i'm da one and only no one will ever be me or be better than me and if you think you can you are just a hater
A guy walks into a bar and orders six shooters. The bartender says, "Looks like you are having a bad day."
The guy says, "Am I ever! I woke up late for work. On my way to work, I got in an accident. When I got to work, I was four hours late, so the boss fired me. To top it off, I came home to my wife screwing my best friend."
The bartender says, "What did you say to your wife?"
The guy says, "I told her to get out, and I never want to see her again."
The bartender says, "What did you say to your best friend?"
The guy says, "BAD DOG!"
A new guy in town walks into a bar and notices a large jar filled to the brim with $10 bills. The man approaches the bartender and asks, "What's up with the jar?"
"Well, you pay $10, and if you pass three tests, then you get all the money."
"What are the three tests?" asks the man
"Gotta pay first."
So the guy gives him the $10 bucks, and the bartender adds it to the jar.
"OK, here's what you have to do. First, you have to drink that whole bottle of pepper tequila -- the WHOLE thing at once -- and you can't make a face while doing it. Second, there's a pit bull chained up out back with a sore tooth. You have to remove the tooth with your bare hands. Third, there is a 90-year-old woman upstairs who's never had an orgasm in her life. You gotta make things right for her."
"Well, I know I've paid my $10 bucks," says the man, "but I'm not an idiot. No wonder you've collected so much money -- that's impossible!"
The new guy proceeds to drink several whiskeys, and eventually, he gets up his nerve.
"Wherez zat teeqeelah?" he slurs.
He grabs the bottle of pepper tequila with both hands and downs it, gulp by gulp. Tears are streaming down his cheeks, but he doesn't make a face. Next, he staggers out back. Everyone in the bar hears a huge scuffle outside -- barking, yelping and growling, then silence.
Just when they think the man must be dead, he staggers back into the bar with his shirt ripped and gashes across his body.
"NOW," he says, "wherez at ol' lady with the sore tooth?"
what you don't say to a cop
-- I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.
-- Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize I was driving.
-- Wow, you must've been doing about 125 mph to keep up with me!
-- I was going to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.
-- You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?
-- You look just like my girlfriend's deadbeat ex-husband.
-- The question is -- do YOU know why you pulled me over?
-- I was trying to keep up with traffic, and it's miles ahead of me.
-- If you have to ask if I've been drinking, I'm not going to tell you, dude.
-- It wasn't my fault -- when I reached down to roll this joint, my gun fell off my lap and got lodged under the brake pedal.
-- That's a sweet 9mm. You want to hold my .44 magnum?
-- If I'd known I was getting a full body cavity search, I would have waxed!
A guy gets pulled over for speeding on a rainy day.
The cop says, "Isn't it kind of stupid to be driving so fast in this weather?"
The driver says, "Who's stupid? I'm dry in my car. You're the one who's standing out in the rain."
Juan pedals up to the Mexican border on his bicycle. He's got two large bags over his shoulders.
The guard stops him and asks, "What's in the bags?"
"Sand," answers Juan.
The guard says, "We'll just see about that. Get off the bike." The guard takes the bags and rips them apart. He empties them out and finds nothing but sand.
He detains Juan overnight and has the sand analyzed, only to discover that it is pure sand.
The guard releases Juan, puts the sand into new bags, hefts them onto the man's shoulders, and allows him to cross the border.
A week later, the same thing happens. The guard asks, "What have you got?"
"Sand," says Juan.
The guard does his thorough examination and discovers that the bags contain nothing but sand. He gives the sand back, and Juan crosses the border on his bicycle.
This sequence of events is repeated every day for three years. Finally, one day, Juan doesn't show up and the guard sees him in a cantina in Mexico.
"Hey, Buddy," says the guard, "I know you're smuggling something. It's driving me crazy. It's all I think about. Just between you and me, what are you smuggling?"
Juan sips his beer and says, "Stolen bicycles."
-- In prison, you spend the majority of your time in an 8' X 10' cell. At work, you spend most of your time in a 6' X 8' cubicle.
-- In prison, you get three meals a day. At work, you get 30 minutes for a meal you buy or bring yourself.
--In prison, you get time off for good behavior. At work, good behavior is rewarded with more work.
-- In prison, they allow your family and friends to visit. At work, even personal calls are disallowed.
-- In prison, all expenses are paid by taxpayers. At work, you are the taxpayer.
-- In prison, everyone knows when you drop the soap. At work, everyone knows when you drop the ball.
--In prison, you spend most of your time waiting to get out from behind bars. At work, you spend most of your time waiting to go into the bars.
--In prison, there are sadistic wardens. At work, there are managers.
-- In prison, you can get shivved. At work, you get shafted.
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Write a note to William95
Public notes
5 days ago:
Wats good?
only like 5 days left til "The Red Tape" comes out! (My REMIX mixtape)
Its gonna be FREE by the way and ima put the z share download link everywhere!!! jamglue, myspace, my youtube channel...etc
Here is a late edition to my mixtape....
My REMIX to Kanye West's - Love Lockdown (My Own Beat)
http://www.jamglue.com/mixe...-
Made the beat alittle "dancy" to show my versatility! = )
Lemme know wat u think!
Peace
Virus 187
15 days ago:
Wat up!
My REMIX mixtape "The Red Tape" is out 1st Dec 09...ima send everyone the FREE download link on the day! = )
Here's a lil treat 4u - My remix of Mario's "Break Up"
MARIO - BREAK UP REMIX, FT. GUCCI MANE & SEAN GARRETT (MY OWN BEAT)
http://www.jamglue.com/mixe...-
Let me know what u think
Peace
Virus 187
www.youtube.com/virus187online
18 days ago:
i really didn´t want to make a new mix right now but i found this acapella and had to make one, so pls check it out ;)
Lil Wayne - Bring it Back (pls fav if u like it and leave a review ;)
http://www.jamglue.com/mixe...-
thx 4 ya time ;)
24 days ago:
!!!!NEW HOT MIX!!!!
Rich Boy - Throw some D´s (pls fav if u like it, let me know what you think;)
http://www.jamglue.com/mixe...-
AND PLS DON´T FORGET TO FAV MY REMAINING #1 CONTEST MIX, ITS THE LAST DAY TO VOTE!!!!
http://www.jamglue.com/mixe...
thx for your time and support ;)
30 days ago:
why dont you? lol road trip!
34 days ago:
This might be the craziest mix ever made on jamglue
9 Different songs mashed together.
Check it out I dont ever advertise garbage
http://www.jamglue.com/mixe...
37 days ago:
florida
38 days ago:
!!!!!!!!BRANDNEW MIX!!!!!!!!
Gucci Mane - Stoopid (fav if u like it, let me know what you think ;)
http://www.jamglue.com/mixe...-
and pls don´t forget to fav my #1 contest mix !!!!
http://www.jamglue.com/mixe...-
thx 4 ya support and time ;)
39 days ago:
lol nice :]
43 days ago:
1970 Sumthing is So Right
(Kelly Price, Styles P, Sheek Louch, Jadakiss, & Jay Z)
(S&B Remix)
Some Real East Coast Hip Hop Here, This mix'll take you right back to the late 90's
http://www.jamglue.com/mixe...-